1 Item Bucket List

my short talk to a group of hospice patients

Without wanting to sound too maudlin, nobody knows exactly how much time they have left.

But, we all have at least a little bit of time. For instance, barring something unforeseeable, we’re all expecting to have tea this afternoon.

There might not be time to make everything neat and tidy, but there are a few things we can do. The practical stuff - wills, funeral planning.

Perhaps what’s more important is making peace.

It’s great if there’s no one you need to reconcile with.

But there may be things you’ve left unsaid over the years.

Perhaps you’ve never been as open as you would have liked, with the people closest to you?

If there are things you need to express, think about either picking up the phone, creating a voice note or just writing a good, old fashioned letter.

You can write a letter to anyone. And you don’t have to post it.

I wrote a letter to my dad, 12 years after he died.

When we talk about making peace, well, usually we mean making peace with another person.

But what I want for each of you is just to have peace of mind.

That can come from feeling that you’ve said all the things you wanted to, to the people who needed to hear it.

It might be as simple as reminiscing, saying

“I remember when…”

Or “it was so great to share that time with you”

Perhaps, when we’re looking back, we’ll be mourning the loss of the things we used to be able to do, that just aren’t options anymore.

We’re not well enough to travel, or we’re too breathless to get out into nature for a walk.

But anything about our past lives we’re grieving for, shows we must’ve had some good times.

Being grateful for the good experiences we’ve had, rather than mourn the fact that they are now in the past is a mind trick some people can master easily. For others, it’s not so easy, but it’s worth trying.

We can think of the happiest memory we have from childhood, our best friend from primary school, friends from work, places we’ve seen, glorious sunny days on holiday - these memories are all resources we can use to remind ourselves of the good times.

We can replay those happy memories in the same way as people used to take a look back at their wedding video or their holiday snaps.

We can bring those thoughts to life again and, if the idea of letter writing doesn’t feel right, then just in your mind’s eye, you can tell those people what they meant to you, how your life was made better through them being around.

That’s one way to say what you’ve wanted to say, to the people closest to you. I hope it helps, in the same way as the letter to my dad helped me.