How hard is it, really, to be happy?

It mostly depends on your world view.

I’m always keen to learn, particularly from first person stories. But it is possible to get just a bit fed up with anonymous strangers telling the world what to do: endless complicated morning routines for health and longevity, specific exercises for “that” physique, or “rejuvenating” supplements by the truckload.

In particular, I’m thinking about all the exhortations to “Live Life Like You Mean It!” Similar well meaning phrases such as “One Life - Live It” and YOLO! (You Only Live Once) have turned into an absolute bombardment of tweets and bumper stickers recently.

As an extension of this idea, many people have a “bucket list”. This details places to visit and physical challenges to complete or the wish to have lived certain experiences before the inevitable end of their life.

Perhaps you don’t believe there will be an end to your life? You will have some other existence after death? I don’t believe that now, although I did up until my late 20s. I had a pretty strong faith (which kept me out of a lot of mischief I think, so I’m truly grateful for the way I was brought up). Currently, at 63, I’m more accepting of the idea that our consciousness exists only in the one human body we’re born into. But I don’t argue with anyone who insists there is an afterlife - because I just don’t know.

So - back to the bucket list idea, which typically involves a bit of travel. I’d like to take you on a journey - but without a final destination in mind. The journey is to discover one of the most elusive aspects of modern life … which we tend to think of as “happiness”. Although it might have a unique flavour for each of us, there are plenty of components to happiness which we’d all recognise as important. There isn’t a single formula we can adopt to guarantee happiness. What we can do, is remove a lot of misunderstandings about about how humans think and behave. We can untangle confusing beliefs and clear some distortions that might have kept us from seeing what really matters.

[Photo: taken by the author. Paths in the woods = choices to make.]

A lot of happiness reveals itself naturally, once we begin living in a manner which permits the enjoyment of simple pleasures, a deepening of our relationships and gratitude for our good fortune in things big and small.

You can’t force happiness. Precision planning and meticulous attention to detail can’t guarantee how you’re feeling now or going to feel in the future. It’s not the intricate nuts and bolts that create the spectrum of feel good emotions (which include contentment, flow and joy). A large part of the puzzle involves letting go of worries about the future or regret about the past.

Living fully in the present moment is something you can develop, like any skill. Important as it is, it’s only one of the stop-offs on this journey. Being fully immersed in the “here and now” can feel timeless, effortless and is often how we’ll gain breakthroughs in our thinking or understanding.

What might happiness look like for you? Some of the following, perhaps:

• Understanding, and being able to quickly address, your own emotional and physical needs.

• Frequent experiences of the flow state, where you’re fully engaged in the current situation, but oblivious to past pain or concerns for the future.

• A quiet confidence in your ability to tackle anything that crops up in your day to day life.

• A childlike appreciation of the wonders of nature.

• Only very rarely, if ever, experiencing those jarring interruptions to your quieter moments when embarrassing memories flash into your mind.

• Tuning in to the state of mind of those you most care about, able to communicate on a meaningful level, knowing how to contribute to their well being.

If you’re happy, it makes it easier for the people around you to be happy. There’s a ripple effect - you can feel happy for other people’s happiness, as they can for yours.

There are several steps on the road to happiness, some of which might not have occurred to you just yet. A particularly tough idea to get to grips with is accepting how things actually are NOW. This might sound completely backwards if you’re rather unhappy at the moment. But I’m not saying things are set in stone - just that you need to recognise right now, this is the situation. You have to see things as they are - as fully as possible - before you can understand if it’s something you could change. When you see the situation in its entirety, you might realise it’s outside of your power to change it. Acceptance isn’t easy … and sometimes it may involve a process of reframing how you interpret things.

Because there is only one thing you’ll always have control of, and even then, it’s only if you consciously decide to: how you look at things.

Perhaps the biggest single part of growing into a contented existence is to make the decision that you are in sole charge of your world view. And that world view will mould your future. It’s a very different approach to “just getting through” whatever life throws at you. This decision is the point when you determine whatever time you have left isn’t going to just dribble away - you are going to live the life you want.

Have you ever allowed yourself the luxury of a daydreaming session where you let your imagination show you various possibilities of how your life could be in the future? Perhaps today you’ll have an opportunity to make time for that.

The life you want will probably be vastly different from my own “want”, but I wish you well with it and hope to offer some practically useful insights as to how you might achieve it in forthcoming articles.

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It’s a big thing, I know, asking you to hit the subscribe button. After all, the idea of another email landing in your inbox mightn’t be the most exciting thing in your world right now.

For me, though, it would be exciting to see your name on my subscription list - and that would encourage me to get better at writing. Fingers crossed you’ll find something in future posts that you’ll find interesting, useful or funny.